All I Ever Wanted 

Things are different now. I sat alone in my dressing room behind the stage, the roar of the crowd was muffled behind the closed door. I was tired; the tour had been long and exhausting. Every night a new city; the nights were all beginning to blend together. My eyes started to drift closed, and I let them; I wanted to get as far away from here as possible. As I drifted off, I found myself recalling a memory from the last summer; the summer before everything changed. Back when my friends and I could ride our bikes through our suburban streets without the hassle of the paparazzi; back before my friends began to resent me for my fame. But of course, things are different now. It was a very specific summer night I found myself yearning for; it was the twenty first of July, my best friend Emma’s birthday. She was the best part of my life, I never had someone who I cared so deeply about. But, we don’t talk anymore. As I said, things are different now. 

 

I drifted back to the twenty first of July; the sun set as we rode our bikes down to the beach, music blaring from the speakers in our bike baskets. The song played clear as day in my head; it was 400 Lux by Lorde. I couldn’t listen to that song anymore. I had never felt so happy, so alive, as I did that night. Never once on stage had I felt this way. Don’t get me wrong; in the beginning it was exciting and new, but the novelty wore off much faster than I had imagined. It soon became a chore, and my once burning passion for music was as burnt out as a dying star. Of course, things are different now. We spent the whole night at the beach, and didn’t set off for our houses until four o’clock in the morning. On our way back, we stopped in the underpass, where we used to spend all of our days talking, and dreaming about the future. The future had come much faster than I had expected. Even though I was surrounded by tens of thousands of people every night,  I never felt so alone. But that glorious night we sat in the underpass, I felt so sure of the future. I told her that we’d be friends for the rest of our lives.

 

 I suddenly shook myself out of this memory; I couldn’t bear it any longer. Everything had changed when my music career took off. A record deal took me away from the comfort of my small town, and turned me into an overnight sensation. My friends had initially been supportive; we kept in touch as I travelled the world. It wasn’t until a few months ago when I paid a visit to my hometown, that everything changed. It was a warm evening, and I set out towards the beach: Emma was always at the beach. I decided to cut through the underpass, when I stopped dead in my tracks. Emma sat, a smile glowing on her face; one I had seen many times before. This smile however, was not at me, but a girl I didn’t recognize. There she was, in our spot, with someone else. I biked away as fast as I could, tears streaming down my face. I scolded myself; of course she forgot about me, how could I have been so foolish? Things are different now. I was not the same girl who Emma once knew; I was now a distant memory; somebody she used to know. 

 

A voice shook me out of my spiraling thoughts, and brought me back to the dressing room. I let out a shaky breath. My manager informed me I had five minutes to be on stage. I picked up my guitar and headed out the door. I knew I would give it all up if I could; this wasn’t how I thought it was going to be. All I wanted was to go back to the night where I felt alive, before everything changed. I left these troublesome thoughts behind me as I marched off to the stage as there was nothing I could do; things are different now.